PETA Hits Below the Belt: Chicken Wings Cause Small Penises
Earlier last month, in an effort to discourage participation in the National Buffalo Wing Festival which took place over Labor Day Weekend in the western New York State city that made savory snack famous, People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) sent a letter to festival organizers warning that female participants in the wing eating contest who think they may be pregnant should stay away lest they risk the chance of in utero birth defects that could include developing smaller than average penises.
The letter from PETA’s Director of Campaigns, Lindsay Rajt, to National Buffalo Wing Festival founder Drew Cerza reads -
Dear Mr. Cerza:
You may remember hearing from us a few years back, when we requested that you cancel the wing-eating competitions at the National Buffalo Wing Festival because of the cruelty inherent in poultry production. I’m reaching out again to ask you at least to take steps to ensure the safety of pregnant women by barring them from taking part in your contests. As I will explain, consuming poultry while pregnant may lead to birth defects in utero, including smaller-than-average penises for newborn boys. I think we can agree that embarrassment and insecurity are no small matters.
Findings published by the Study for Future Families showed that eating poultry during pregnancy may lead to smaller penis size in male infants. Looking at dairy products, eggs, fish, fruit, bird meat, potatoes, tomatoes, vegetables, and red meat, researchers found the most significant link between chicken consumption and decreased penis size because of a chemical compound found in the meat. Furthermore, evidence indicates that heterosexual women’s sexual satisfaction depends in part on their partner’s penis size.
Even the cruelest of bedroom ridicule pales in comparison to the suffering that smart, sensitive chickens endure for the wings so casually consumed in contests such as these. [...]
Now that you are well endowed with this information, I hope you will have the backs of future Buffalo residents and visitors by not allowing their pregnant mothers to participate in the wing-eating contest. I hope to hear from you soon.