Why the Oscars Suck, and what can be done to save them...

by Howie Green
Friday Mar 4, 2005
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Shame on you Oscar!

When this year’s show host Chris Rock introduced 2 lovely Hispanic actresses and felt the need to make an inappropriate crack about their boobs I wanted to put my fist through the TV set... and that was one of the better moments on the show.

Have we as a culture and a civilization sunk that low? Have we become so devoid of class that we need to make boob jokes on the Oscars? Leave that stuff for the press to do outside the building. Inside the building we’re hosting the Academy Awards, not Urban Laugh Jam Night at Chuckles Comedy Club.

Shame on you Oscar - and thank you Sean Penn for being the only one in the show with enough taste to comment on the state of the affair.

I for one am disappointed. Watching the Oscars used to be like having a private window into the most sophisticated adult party of the year. Bob Hope or Johnny Carson would kid with the participants and make gentle, but very funny, jokes and comments throughout the evening. It all worked beautifully because you knew that Hope and Carson were part of this community. These people were their friends and colleges - so it was acceptable to kid around with them. Adults do that sort of thing. And we love watching them do it.

Chris Rock’s work is something I didn’t love to watch. Rock appeared more like a snotty kid with his nose to the window trying to see how many insults he could think up about the people at the party.

If the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences’ mission is to promote the "art" of films then it would be nice if they displayed a little class and dignity at their awards show!

Here are some of my thoughts about what might improve the Academy Awards:

An Appropriate Host:
How about getting someone to host the Oscars with a significant career level of achievement and longevity. You know, someone who has a long history in the medium. For your consideration I would suggest Robert Redford, Harrison Ford, Jack Nicholson, Warren Beatty, Sidney Pollack, Martin Scorsese or Gene Hackman.

Two Hour Time Limit:
Please cut the damn show to two hours. Fifty seven million viewers around the globe do not tune in to watch Vichuk the Latvian cinematographer get up on stage and blather on for three minutes about winning for his five-minute animated short film about left-handed Eskimos -- that no one ever saw. Give Vichuck his award earlier in the day and let him sit in the audience with his statue; we want to see movie stars. There... you just cut a half hour from the telecast.

Enough with Beyonce already!
What, they couldn’t find another singer in Hollywood? She has now done more ’singing’ on an Oscar show than anyone, ever. At least she wasn’t lip-synching...was she?

Shorter Acceptance Speeches:
Anyone whose speech goes over a minute gets callously interrupted by a commercial. It’s a terrible thing to do to a celebrity who has waiting years for their moment in the spotlight... but not all eyes will weep for them. Will yours?

Every year the Academy feels that they need to publicly pay tribute to those among their ranks who died. Unfortunately the annual tribute has become like a dead person popularity contest because we can hear the audience applauding to each face on the screen. That’s just horrendous. Take this presentation right out.

And last but not least, give Martin Scorsese an Oscar!

Howie Green is a Boston-based artist and painter whose portrait of rapper Biggie Smalls appears on the album "Incredible". He is winner of Absolut Vodka’s 25th Anniversary art competition and he painted 3 of the cows in the Boston Cow Parade. He recently painted a series of Pop Art Murals at the Dimock Center in Boston, MA and completed large art and mural installations in Delray Beach and Jacksonville, FL. He also recently painted the front entrance to Boston City Hall. His a multi-media designer and author of several books including "Jazz Fish Zen: Adventures in Mamboland" - and he once sang back-up for the opening act at a Shaun Cassidy concert in Madison Square Garden.


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