"Game" On :: Garden of Bones
"Fasten your seat belts, it’s going to be a bumpy night." - Bette Davis
Folks, tonight is where "Game of Thrones" gets truly weird. Grab some popcorn and your favorite nip; we’re off to Westeros, where the men are men and the women are men-hating psychopaths who birth wispy satanic ne’er-do-wells on remote islands for unknown purposes... and it ain’t lookin’ good.
We begin with a Shakespearianesque scene in which two sentries chat late in the night, mocking the show’s only gay relationship (such as it is) in clipped British tones, then ripping the result of a clearly fabulous night in the Foley studio with baked beans. Alas, their flatulence is short-lived, as are they, since Robb Stark, self-proclaimed King of the North, has set upon their Lannister camp.
We then are treated to another quite predictable scene when, the following day, a soldier’s foot is amputated on the field of battle. This scene is clearly meant to remind us that a) Robb Stark is alarmingly human, b) war is alarmingly nasty, and c) the wardrobe department is alarmingly short of practical ideas for field nurses (God knows how those actresses turn their heads).
Back in King’s Landing, Tyrion makes a huge mistake - potentially his first. He spares Sansa Stark from becoming the butt of King Geoffrey’s twisted throne room games, and decides that his nephew is probably too bored and orders up a few whores for him.
Now comes the first scene where even your editors here at EDGE blush. It’s not that we’re prudes, but Geoffrey is but a teenager, and what he does with these women is... well, let’s just say it couldn’t happen anywhere but on HBO. It’s depraved, and vicious, and gleefully nasty. But we’re a family publication, and I simply couldn’t disclose what happens; if you’ve not seen the episode, you’re on your own. And it’s not that I don’t want to tell you what’s happening, it’s just that it’s just far too graphic for EDGE; nonetheless, I wouldn’t want you to think there’s something up our asses purely because there’s a royal poker up theirs.
There’s a scene or two here about Lord Baelish running to Renly’s camp to cajole and plot things, but while it’s flavorful, I’m sure you’ve missed Daenerys enough to skip right to her next move: Qarth. This is not a long scene, but we love that blond-haired bimbo so much that we want her and her dragons to get off the damn desert and have a bath. They must stink something awful by now.