The Road To Fatherhood Part Five : The Chosen Ones

(Editor's Note :: EDGE is not responsible for any tears that may develop during and after you read Catty Daddy's latest column - Proceed with emotional caution)

I've always loved Thanksgiving. It kicks off the holiday season, is celebrated by all Americans irrespective of religion, and is the least commercialized of its celebratory neighbors. And now, Thanksgiving is extra special for us because it was the time of year we were chosen by Elly's birthmother to be her prospective parents.

It was the week before Thanksgiving in 2008. I was sitting in a meeting that was droning on about stuff that I could not care about any less than I care about how Bristol Palin is keeping herself un-pregnant these days. In sheer boredom, I did the Blackberry shuffle under the conference room table and instant-messaged Greg to see how his day was going. His reply perked me right up. He was on the phone with our agency and a birthmother was interested in talking with us. My mood suddenly changed and a wave of emotions flurried over me. I couldn't wait to get out of the room to call him. I needed to know more!

Soon I was released from the shackles of an endless meeting, and quickly called for details. Everything sounded great! But I quickly told myself that it was just the beginning - we hadn't even been officially picked yet. Even if we were chosen, a lot could happen.

We set up a conference call for the next day. On the call would be us, our agency, and Elly's birthmother Trish. We were all so nervous. In a way, it was like being on a chaperoned blind date, except in this case, you are very happy that the chaperones are there. Both parties were equally nervous and (I'm sure) feared rejection. The whole process is extremely personal and intimate and thus makes everyone feel quite vulnerable. The process is called "matching" because while the birthmother chooses the adoptive parents, there is no requirement on the side of the adoptive parents to accept the request. It has to feel right for all involved.

During the call, Trish expressed how she was feeling with her pregnancy and we all expressed our nervousness. We all shared a little about our backgrounds. This discussion seemed to go really well. We couldn't wait to talk with our caseworker Paula (who was in the room with Trish) to see if our instincts were sound. Paula told us that Trish really liked us and was eager to meet. It was exactly one week before Thanksgiving and we made immediate plans to meet on the Monday of the holiday week.

We drove to upstate New York and headed to a local mall to meet for lunch. As we waited for everyone to arrive, we scouted the crowd for women who looked nearly five months pregnant. We had met our caseworker Paula at our get-acquainted meeting but that was nearly a year before. Scouting the crowd wasn't an easy task - "Is that woman pregnant or calorically challenged?" And then we found them. Trish broke the ice by saying that her deal breaker was going to be if either of us showed up in sweatpants. We laughed and joked about how unlikely that would be for two gay men. We quickly got through the initial jitters, and from there, it went very smoothly.

We chatted about all sorts of things - likes/dislikes, travel, pet peeves and our childhood experiences to name a few. Trish asked us if we wanted to know the sex of the child. We said that we didn't and preferred to be surprised. It didn't matter to us either way.

As we were leaving, Trish gave us a card and asked us not to open it until after we parted ways. We were so nervous. We opened it soon after they drove off. The cover of the card said "It's a Girl!" and out popped an ultrasound picture. We both burst into tears. She had chosen us! We were going to have a daughter! Though it wasn't exactly how we hoped to find out, we were surprised and the entire event now seems that much more memorable.

We still had a long road ahead of us but we had crossed another bridge, and an important one as well.

Two years later, we're preparing to celebrate our second Thanksgiving as a family. And now, that wee little critter in the grainy ultrasound picture has grown into an incredible toddler who has captured our hearts more than we ever dreamed possible. Trish gave us an amazing and selfless gift, and for that, we will always be thankful.